These Are My Thoughts

So I have been away from home for one month now, and this is only the very beginning of my journey. This beginning has been more of a mental challenge than I expected, but I guess that is what I get for throwing myself into this experience with no idea of what was ahead of me.

I have already learned so much from going through every emotion possible and having to overcome multiple frustrations a day.

My first major frustration I ran into was homesicknes. I became frustrated with myself for leaving behind everything that I had going for me. I had an amazing family, amazing best friends, an amazing boyfriend, a dance studio full of people I could call my family, an amazing cross country team, an amazing school, and a safe and beautiful city. Why did I just pick up and leave? What made me want to leave my almost perfect and comfortable life? I left my house one month ago without the answer to those questions, but after thinking about it, I remembered that I am not leaving home for good.
I am going back home, and I'm going to go back with much more appreciation for everything I have. It took this decision to realize that I have so much to be grateful for in my life. I will go home next year with a wider perspective and so much more to share. I know that I will never regret the fact that I took this year to grow and mature.

Also, I don't stop falling in love with my life and city here in Argentina! I am getting the opportunity to live a completely different lifestyle, and I'm going to learn to love it just as much as my wonderful life at home.

The next big frustration I ran into has been the most mentally challenging obstical I have experienced. It is the realization that I am really on my own. I realize it more and more every day.
My whole life, I have been able to make my decisions based on the approval I will get from the important people in my life. I could always find approval for my actions, and when I did, I would know I was doing the right thing. I would get good grades and learn a lot in school because I knew my parents would be proud. I would try my hardest to run as fast as a could at cross country to show the coaches that I can. I would give my all at dance to impress anyone who was watching. I would get dressed in the morning based on what Hayden was going to think. I would eat healthy because I knew my dad would be happy.
It was comforting to have approval for every decision I made, it always made me feel good about myself. But now, I am making choices that are only affecting me. If I choose to go in a run, no one will care hard I run except for me. If I eat three pieces of cake a day, the only person that is going to care is me. If I don't give 100% at dance, the only person that will be affected is me. These past weeks I have been on Skype and Facebook looking to people at home for approval anyways, but they are a continent away. They don't need to approve of my decisions anymore. They have accepted that I am taking this adventure for myself, and now I have to accept that also. They will give me advice, and they will be there for me, but they aren't going to feel the affects of what I choose to do with my life here. That change is hard for me to accept. I feel like I don't know how to live and make decisions that come only from what I think is right. I still want to be told what is right. But overcoming this challenge is part of what will help grow and mature, and after looking for approval my whole life, I can use all I have learned from those important people in my life to make the right choices on my own. I have also thought of it as being free. The fact that I am making decisions based on only what I know is not only a challenge, but it is a privilege. I don't HAVE to, I GET to.

A few lessons down, and many many many more to come this year...Bring It On!